My first bikini competition RECAP

What a true novice bikini competitor's show day experience is really like -- the glitz, the glamor...the ragrets....

May 14, 2025

My goodness! I was going to wait until I got the photos and video footage back from the photographer to post this, but screw it. I want to share my thoughts while the memories are fresh!

What I loved
What I hated
No ‘W’ and why I’m okay with it!
Post Show
Post Show Clarity
The stage look

What I loved

I think I found the most accomplishment in the final 2 minutes of cardio at my gym. I had already completed 45 mins of stairmaster. Then in my depleted, fasted state, I waited for the incline treadmill to read 45 minutes. As soon as it did, I slapped that big, red stop button, and dropped to my knees. It was partially out of pure exhaustion and pure accomplishment. Relief.

I did it. I didn’t quit.

The final objective of the day was to go to sleep with no refined carbs in my system on the beach, which was easy enough with a full day of driving and glam preparations.

I did it.

I loved that when I was backstage, I was filled in a room of people who had also done it. But not only that, that they had done it probably better than I did. They didn’t binge or cheat on meals. They did absolutely everything to a T. And show day was about their celebration. Hell yes.

The people I got to know along the way. The inspiration I got from them.

I loved that some of the most important people were there to root me on, including my own mother! While not everyone was able to be there, I know the ones who were there by my side through the thick of it. And I can’t express my appreciation to them more.

What I hated

Hate is a strong word…but there were definitely aspects of show day that I found annoying in my depleted, fatigued state.

The tan. My God, the tan was driving me up a wall. I had to lay down toilet paper or a paper seat cover every time I had to pee, I had to lay down the toilet paper/seat cover on the toilet WATER to prevent splashing. Just peeing was a whole ordeal.

I had my designated seat in the rental house that was covered with a sheet. I could not sit anywhere. I couldn’t wash my full hands, just the palms (gross, I know). I had to be SUPER careful about water splashing or else it was going to create splotches. The tan latches onto body odor and is sticky and becomes patchy and it was really just something I had to be overly cautious about while simply just trying to function throughout the day.

Then there was the getting ready. I love my mother and best friends DEARLY…but as a personal preference…I hated having one person do my hair while the other did my face at the same time. It had to be done, and they both KILLED it with the hair and makeup and I am forever grateful that I had them there to do it for me. It saved me SO much time and effort. I just simply didn’t like being sandwiched between two people. Other folks may find that relaxing, but that’s just me.

I was SO. dehydrated. I was allowed 8oz of water that day plus a few sips throughout the day. That on top of waiting to eat a proper meal until the end of the day was NUTS! It sure did shrink-wrap my waist, though!

The following day, I did not poop because I was so dehydrated. Then eating a meal after that day of such little food and water just made me feel SO extended and backed up. Even after a good night’s sleep, I had breakfast, and the feeling just didn’t go away…but the hunger persisted. My body was giving me so many mixed signals — “Eat, you don’t have enough calories! But don’t, because we haven’t digested, yet.”

And of course…the cost. It WAS worth paying to get my spray tan done, and I did sign up for 2 classes. But MAN was it an expensive day. Not to mention the stage shots and the lodging and the gas….

No ‘W’ and why I’m okay with it!

I feel like I won the moment I finished that last cardio session. I felt like I could do anything. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I have gleaned more from the journey of getting to the finish line than the goal physique. Because bodybuilding is indeed a JOURNEY. I’ve documented SO much on it on this platform alone!

I had set out to challenge myself to a deadline. The fact that this was a competition based on who got a certain physique look was not even in my line of vision. I was focused on pushing through till the end. And I did just that.

Not to mention, I have met so many incredible women through this sport! So many fantastic and inspiring women that I will probably see on stage again, one day.

I was not nearly as driven physique-wise as the incredible women who did win. I was not aiming for a look, I was aiming for finishing (more on that later). If I had even gotten the 5th place instead of 6th, I don’t think I would have appreciated the crown and medal as much as the girl who did get 5th.

All this to say, I was not there to be competitive, I was there to have fun! And fun was had!

The value was all in the journey, and my ✨ex.pen.sif, shiny✨ milestone was the show day. I completed my quest, crown or no crown!

Post Show

You know, dear goblin, how afraid I was of post-show binging. Call it a binge or don’t, but I had half a burrito, and ONE or HALF a serving of each of my goodies that I brought — from spam musubi to Reece’s to splitting a pack of 3 Donettes between me, my brother and his wife, I was sampling. The rest was shared amongst the group. I have another little bag of goodies that’s going to D&D this week and a bunch of unopened stuff at home. There was a certain point where I just simply could not eat any more.

Nico had bought me Modelos to go with my burrito…I don’t think I finished it. I had a Moscow Mule at the bar and a few sips of his beer. I just simply could not eat past a certain point. I felt too full.

Not to mention, I GUZZLED water as soon as the show was over. I was more thirsty than I was hungry.

I think all of that was an extremely defensive way to say: I’m proud of myself for not full on gorging on any one (or multiple) item. It was very mindful, very demure. And I STOPPED when I was full.

Post Show Clarity

In hindsight, financially speaking, I probably shouldn’t have done this show and I should have opted to do the show that’s 30 mins away as opposed to two hours. It would have saved me money in lodging alone. Not to mention, I probably could have kept prep going long enough to actually have gotten some kind of award. (Again, it was never my intention to win anything.)

But also, I felt that this show needed to happen sooner than later. I may have given up. I don’t think I’d be able to extend prep into June mentally. If I were told I was going to have to push show day to June, I’d be crushed. Because I didn’t want to go into it winning. I don’t think my passion for reaching the finish line would have lasted.

Furthermore, I had put social pressure on myself. I isolated from my friends early. I told them I’m not going to do X, Y or Z until after my show in May. If I told them I was going to isolate for an extra month and a half…I know I’d beat myself up for that. I’d feel like a failure, I’d feel like I wasn’t able to keep my promise, I’d feel like I was putting them on hold because of my lack of discipline. I did not realize how heavy that pressure was until I committed to the show, which meant putting down money for lodging and for flying my mom out. If I did that, then I’d HAVE to be ready for the show!

Back to the goal of simply finishing — I think it was because of these pressures that I had to mentally eliminate how I was looking. By no means do I feel like I looked bad. I didn’t give up when others did. I went to my first Oregon NPC seminar last year knowing I was going to stick through to the end. Even the NPC promoter told me, “Hey, you stuck to it. Most people that attend those seminars don’t last to do their first show.” I was able to prove it to myself — not to the judges, not to the audience, not to other competitors, not to anyone else.

What I’m afraid of now is losing my year and a half’s worth of progress. I want so badly to eat 10,000% freely, but those demons need to be fought in my reverse. This journey ain’t over! I will still be checking in with Coach, and you, scrolling goblin.